1. A person will change for me
How many of us have thought that we could “fix” someone to fit our needs? Trying to fix someone is a very dangerous and destructive way to enter a relationship. I am sure we can all look in the mirror and say, we have tried before. Before we go any further, understand that trying to fix someone is not only arrogant, but a sure fire sign you are avoiding something within yourself. Those that try to fix someone are almost always doing it to avoid something that is missing in their own life. Just because you change the level of commitment to a relationship, does not mean the person will change. Also, how much a person loves you is irrelevant. How well you do at trying harder, loving more or giving ultimatums is a waste of time. Don’t rationalize by saying, ” I just need to be patient, be better for him/her, and then they will come around”. GET OVER YOURSELF and realize it has nothing to do with you.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY, why would you want to be with someone that has to change so drastically to be with you? Do you really want to be with someone that has to change the very being of who they are to be with you?
2. “They are changing a little. They must be becoming the person I want them to be.
This lie is a trap. Don’t mistake these for real changes. This is almost always short term behavior and are usually provoked by things of fear or manipulation.
Although the person may break out of their behavior, it usually only last short term. Why? Because it is exhausting to have to try to be someone you are not, the rest of your life for the happiness of someone else. We get excited about the slight changes and think its permanent. In the BEST case scenario, the person stays in the same “small change” and in the worst, he/she reverts back to the way they were before. Its a roller coaster and eventually all this phoniness and hard work leaves us exhausted. Do you really want to spend your life that way?
BEWARE! These short term “changes” can keep you tied up in a relationship with the wrong person for a very long time. Do not wait around for the temporary highs to turn into lasting change.
Be truthful with yourself about the person you are with. If that person is not enough for you today, then chances are, that person won’t be tomorrow.