LIES WE TELL OURSELVES

1.  A person will change for me

How many of us have thought that we could “fix” someone to fit our needs?   Trying to fix someone is a very dangerous and destructive way to enter a relationship.  I am sure we can all look in the mirror and say, we have tried before.  Before we go any further, understand that trying to fix someone is not only arrogant, but a sure fire sign you are avoiding something within yourself.    Those that try to fix someone are almost always doing it to avoid something that is missing in their own life.    Just because you change the level of commitment to a relationship, does not mean the person will change.  Also, how much a person loves you is irrelevant.  How well you do at trying harder, loving more or giving ultimatums is a waste of time.  Don’t rationalize by saying, ” I just need to be patient, be better for him/her, and then they will come around”.  GET OVER YOURSELF and realize it has nothing to do with you.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, why would you want to be with someone that has to change so drastically to be with you?  Do you really want to be with someone that has to change the very being of who they are to be with you? 

2.  “They are changing a little.  They must be becoming the person I want them to be.

This lie is a trap.  Don’t mistake these for real changes.  This is almost always short term behavior and are usually provoked by things of fear or manipulation.

Although  the person may break out of their behavior, it usually only last short term. Why?  Because it is exhausting to have to try to be someone you are not, the rest of your life for the happiness of someone else.  We get excited about the slight changes and think its permanent.  In the BEST case scenario, the person stays in the same “small change” and in the worst, he/she reverts back to the way they were before.  Its a roller coaster and eventually all this phoniness and hard work leaves us exhausted.  Do you really want to spend your life that way?

BEWARE!  These short term “changes” can keep you tied up in a relationship with the wrong person for a very long time.  Do not wait around for the temporary highs to turn into lasting change. 

Be truthful with yourself about the person you are with.  If that person is not enough for you today, then chances are, that person won’t be tomorrow.

Posted in Love | Leave a comment

Prepared Meals for Today

Today’Meals: 11/5 Everything, (baring fresh fruit) can also be frozen and reheated to last longer.

Today’s meal preps – all around 500 calories each:

Breakfast – spinach & sundried tomato, egg white “muffin” fresh orange slices & berries

Lunch – 6oz roasted turkey breast, gluten free pasta w/ roasted veggies, garlic sautéed kale

Dinner – grilled chicken breast w/ roasted cauliflower & zucchini. Topped w/ kalamata olives & drizzled w/ humus dressing

 

Happy Cooking!

 

 

Posted in Diet | Leave a comment
Abs are made in the kitchen! 80% diet, 20% workout!

Abs are made in the kitchen! 80% diet, 20% workout!

Posted in Diet | Leave a comment

I get by with a little help from my friends

I have always lacked instruction on how to ask for help or release inner pain. 

My friends, colleagues, acquaintances and even family have always seen me as a confident, put-together woman, who could do anything, went after everything she wanted and didn’t necessarily feel pain.  I would always, “get over it”.   My friends always joke, “I know you won’t ask for it, but if you need anything I am here”. 
That is who they saw.  And they were right: I was and still am that woman. 

But I also have wounds.  I am no wonder woman.  There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed and spend hours crying.  This past year I found myself facing some of the most difficult challenges of my life and was given a wake-up call.  I found myself backed in a corner and finally found myself leaning on my friends, calling morning, noon and night, often confused.  This new path was NOT clear to me, but something inside me made me realize that I had to keep moving forward and I could not do that without the help of friends. 

I have discovered a deep faith and spirit of survival this past year, one that requires me to be vulnerable.  I didn’t know anything about “healing”, my understanding of healing was “getting over it”.  When I finally reached out of my comfort zone and started to ask my friends for the help they have always offered me, something began to happen.  They became my angels, helping me to remember that I too have wings that can be broken.  And one by one, they have supported me in mending my wings so I can fly again.  These angels have guided me and supported me, helping me see what COULD be instead of looking back.  Instead of me always carrying the burden, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and it felt amazing. 

I have learned from my journey this year, that if we are vulnerable and approach life with courage, we can have what we desire.  Because of my friends and family, I know what is possible and I see the limitless possibilities in my life again.  We are the only ones that stand in our way. 

I love you all.

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Clean eating is not the 5 second rule

Many of you have asked me to talk about “clean eating”. Clean eating is when your diet consists of whole, unprocessed and preferably organic foods.  Basically you want to eat as low on the food chain as possible. Here re some guidelines to follow:

–try to eat most foods from nature, not man-made.

–you should try to eat 5-6 meals a day

–avoid any processed foods (anything in a box with a label on it)

–use healthy cooking methods

–don’t count calories, fat grams, or points

–enjoy your food and appreciate its flavor

This is a LIFESTYLE change, NOT a diet.

In the diet section of this blog, I will focus on clean eating, my meals, and recipes to help everyone interested.  Remember, this is an extreme change to most lifestyles, including me, so do what you can.  It doesn’t have to be 100% right away or ever, but changing a little will help your body and mind in the long run.

 

HAPPY SUNDAY

Posted in Diet | Leave a comment

“If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing you may find you’ re missing all the rest”

What I have found is that many of our insecurities in life (men and women), stem from relationships.  And when those relationships are unfulfilling, we allow it to affect other areas of life.  The deadly phrase that has started many sentences, “If only he….” Or “If only she…..”

Folks just stop.   No matter how hard we try, we have absolutely ZERO control over anyone but ourselves.  No matter how much we try to manipulate, fix, try to save a person or relationship, the more exhausted we become and resigned, without ending up better off.  Everything in our lives must start with ME.  If we do not feel whole within, we end up with codependency and that is an awful way to live.  We must take 100% responsibility for our lives.  You should never leave your fate in the hands of someone else.  Stop living under the assumption that “some” is better than “none”.

Many people work extremely hard at keeping a facade of a happy life and relationship intact, oblivious to the depths of their deepest fears and insecurity.  So many people hide behind their great job, big house, and bling, settling for relationships that make them unhappy 75% of the time.  They become pro at creating a busy life that appears successful, even to themselves.  It has them running so fast that they don’t have time to admit they are seriously unhappy.  And because most of their friends and role models were doing the same thing, there was no one telling them, STOP!

We convince ourselves that it is safer to stay on autopilot, to fiercely protect our security and comfort.  While it is obvious to the person on the outside, no matter how much advice you give, their self-created mishaps keep coming.   And we have all been in those shoes.  Clinging to a situation or relationship, unwilling to see the truth about ourselves and everyone involved.  Autopilot allows us to ignore the many ways a relationship or situation didn’t work.

On autopilot, most of our motivations and decisions stem from influences, ideas and believes we’ve learned from people who are, or we’re, not fully healthy or whole.  We model what we have seen throughout our lives.  Our choices are usually guided by the silent pressure or society, parents, relatives, and friends. And until we decide to listen to our own voice, we we will always be on autopilot.

Think about the last three major decisions you made. What were your Fears concerning those decisions?  Where did those fears come from? Parents, friend, society or previous experiences?

Autopilot is no way to live the one life you have been given.

Posted in Life | Leave a comment

“Celebrate we will Because life is short but sweet for certain”

There is something about Dave Matthews lyrics that just makes sense.

Have you ever felt like you walk the path of your life alone?  That you have made stupid mistakes?  Settled for less then you deserve?

We all have choices.  ALWAYS.  In life we will always have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, claim our needs and gain self-awareness.  This past year might have been the toughest year of my life.  I have experienced darkness, loss, heartbreak, and tragedy.  And in that, I gained great wisdom on my personal path.

As I begin to share my journey with all of you, i want you to take a careful look at the life you have created for yourself and honestly answer the question, “Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life—the one with myself?”

Some times endings do become beginnings and I hope that this blog helps people along their own paths.

And in the words of Dave Matthews again…….”She feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life. She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright.”

 

Love, Peace, and Light

Posted in Life | 1 Comment